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Actually, I’m scared to fail on this, to fail on everything. I just shut up and stays at the gloomy corner. Looking at the ceiling, blinking a couple of times to stop the tears and fears. Failing at something will always drag myself down,drag myself into pain and disappointment. The dark happenings to me that I don’t want to be redundant like it’s always turning out to the noise of judgement by other people. When I fail, I’m scared for the others eyes and mouth focusing on what I did. Failing that makes myself crave to try again or should I? Asking the what if’s and would I learn something after this? Is failing is learning? Should I take the risk? Or lose the chance again.

× dear you,

I just want to tell you that I have really liked you since we were in our first year of high school up until this moment. I chose to keep it a secret since I knew that we will not be clicked with each other. I chose to be aloof, and be contented to watch and look at you far from me. I do better like to see those smiles from you secretly. Listening to your voice and laughing even if it’s not me you are talking with. I do better like to keep silent about what my heart really felt about you. For six years of hiding, for those years of not telling anything about you, I don’t have any regret. Because it is my choice, the choice to be happy for you, the choice to just be proud of you, cause I knew too from the very start that we can’t be together, that you and I can’t be interconnected. I knew that we will never have to each other that one thing which is love.

this is me saying goodbye,

to the feelings that are untold.

never yours truly,

xxeixxa